The first post in a series drawing on a therapist’s insights into play, wandering, and presence in relation to vocational exploration and discernment.
As a therapist for almost two decades, I’ve listened many times to clients voice their vocational confusion as they ask, with a gnawing ache, “Who am I?” and “What is my life for?” and “Is this all there is?”
The ages of my clients have varied widely, but their quest for meaning and the identity distress they’ve experienced are similar. In his work on psychosocial development over the course of our lives, Erik Erickson recognized identity, relationships, and service as innate human crises to be resolved during different ages. He noted that, in adolescence, we struggle with identity vs. role confusion; in middle adulthood, generativity vs. stagnation; and in late adulthood, integrity vs. despair. Identity formation and meaning making are not single developmental tasks but recurring psychological negotiations across the lifespan.
As we negotiate these phases, psychologists Dan McAdams and Kate McLean theorize that people develop a “narrative,” an evolving life story, that helps them make sense of transitions, challenges, and their place in the world. As a result, questions of meaning may re-emerge during young adulthood, midlife, and retirement, when individuals are often revising the stories that they tell about themselves. These theories about our developmental stages and narrative identity suggest that vocational angst is not a failure of direction, but a recurring process of meaning reconstruction throughout one’s life.
My academic research in personality and human behavior has helped me hold space for such internal exploration and, at times, the desperation that accompanies such reflection. One support that I offer my clients is new language—framing words like being and becoming—that names their identity breakdown so it can become a meaningful path of self-inquiry. Then our work together becomes an exploration of what I call understanding their unique “being-roles.”
A being-role is not a job, a title, or a performative outcome. It is a mode of existence that feels natural to you. Most of us contain multiple untapped being-roles. They are the ways of engaging the world that resonate with your deeper sense of calling. They are the tendencies of your soul—longings and patterns within it—that may emerge most clearly in certain contexts or memories.
A being-role points toward why there is a “you” at all, reflecting a longing for embodiment. It is a noun in motion—an inner need of expression and action. These roles model a meaningful, vast, and coherent self. As such, it is important to approach vocational exploration as a plurality—an interwoven frame—because no singular calling is vast enough to hold all the longings of a human being.
How do you identify your being-roles?
First consider the nature of self-discovery. As long as there is a “you,” there is more of you to explore and develop. To know yourself is an ongoing process of self-examination and community awareness: listening carefully to others’ feedback about you, studying what delights your soul, and then intentionally making space for those patterns to grow. Still, these steps can feel abstract.
The imprint of the soul can often be glimpsed in the childhood toybox—in early being-roles, imagination, and unstructured exploration. One concrete reflective activity that can offer some clarity is to intentionally reflect on yourself as a child. As children we tend to reveal being-roles more naturally because we are less encumbered with social pressure to conform and less burdened with responsibilities. I ask clients to consider who and how they were in childhood, particularly at play, because play is a natural expression in childhood and often illuminates personal ideals and traits. This reflection usually takes some time and effort.
I invite readers of this post to explore their own responses to these questions: What images of yourself as a child at play come to mind? What held your attention in these moments? What was your favorite kind of play (the kind you hated to be interrupted)? What did you gravitate toward without extrinsic reward? Your attraction to these kinds of interests describes an innate attribute about you.
In this recollection, a scene often emerges for clients, like an eight-year-old self floating blissfully on a bike through open air; a focused seven-year-old carefully arranging her beanie bag babes into friend groups; or a captivated nine-year-old reading under a blanket with a flashlight. These activities are not just hobbies; they are early expressions of being-roles.
Since a being-role is a clue into oneself that needs expression, an early picture of our selves at play is one way to begin to understand what is needed to bring about fulfilling our vocational identities. Take the above-mentioned memory of an eight-year-old loving her biking adventures. Her being role could be identified as an “explorer,” “pioneer,” or “expansive spirit.” As an adult, she may still require outlets for movement, novelty, and discovery—whether through weekend excursions on a mountain bike navigating new parks, or through her career as a realtor constantly investigating new properties and spaces. Without expression, this part of the self tends to go mute—but it does not go away.
In vocational discernment, the task is not simply to choose a new path but to reflect intentionally on questions like, “What forms of being are asking to be lived through me?” As Erikson, McAdams, and McLean remind us, identity is both developmental and narrative, and vocational uncertainty is part of the process. In my work with clients and students, this reframing creates space to notice the enduring patterns of each person’s self. In the classroom, NetVUE conversation cards have also helped to begin this process of discovery with students, allowing them to identify underlying values in their life and creating opportunities for reflective freewriting on their childhoods. They can then use this self-knowledge to reveal their being-roles to themselves. Students have also experienced “aha” moments in lively discussions of childhood birthday party themes, looking deeper at how a beloved character or the party’s theme revealed an important part of their personality and being-role.
When we attend to these being-roles, especially those first glimpsed in childhood, we courageously act in giving our being more form—in this and future moments.
On being and becoming, the path becomes unclear,
Carrie Caudill
But to own the quest for one’s growth and goodness
Is the call despite the fear.
Fulfillment isn’t a final state.
Self-knowledge exists at this moment in place and time
Whitman reminds our nature is a multitude’s fate.
Where do I lean back and gaze, and
When does my spirit come alive?
Carrie Caudill is an associate professor of psychology at Newberry College and a licensed therapist. Her work integrates mindfulness, nature, spirituality, and relational well-being to promote human flourishing across educational, clinical, and community settings. Her scholarship and professional presentations focus on mindfulness, nature-based interventions, spirituality, mental health, relational quality, and their impact on well-being. Her writing has appeared on Psychology Today and the South Carolina Counseling Association’s blog, as well as in the journal, Mental Health, Religion & Culture. She was a participant in the 2026 NetVUE Writing Colloquy.