What Is Your Purpose, When You Can’t Get out of Bed?

Lucille Clifton (Wikimedia Commons)

In her poem, “won’t you celebrate with me,” Lucille Clifton writes,

come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

I first read these words when I was in college in the spring of 2012. Trayvon Martin had been killed, and I was sitting in a theology course on Genesis and Exodus, grappling with the fact that being a Black woman often meant not feeling safe in this world, in classrooms, and even in our bodies. At the time, the words made me deeply sad and, as my big cousin used to say when I was growing up, they “made my nerves bad.”

I didn’t truly embody these words or know their real impact until 2020. While everyone in the world was weathering the pandemic—during which over 300,000 people died in the United States alone—I was simultaneously struggling with challenges in my own body and navigating higher education as I held space for students whose stories were like mine. At that time, it felt almost impossible to support Black students exhausted from racial battle fatigue at a predominantly white institution. So much uncertainty and doubt played in my mind.

Then my body began to shut down. In 2019, I had started seeing doctors to figure out what was going on, but I didn’t really think anything of these visits until I got a call from my hospital on a Wednesday morning. The medical scheduler shared that I would no longer be meeting with just a neurologist. A neurosurgeon and neuro-oncologist were now joining the call.

Surgeon. Oncologist.

tired black woman patient sitting on floor and embracing knees in studio
Photo by Klaus Nielsen on Pexels.com

Why on earth would I need to meet with these types of doctors? So many thoughts ran through my mind. That morning changed the trajectory of my life. I started that day leading a healing circle for some of my Black students who were processing the murder of George Floyd, and it ended with me on a call with a team of brain doctors letting me know that they believed I had a brain tumor and sharing a list of options on how to deal with it.

I chose the most modest route: a PET scan to confirm that it was a ganglioglioma, MRIs every three months to assess its growth, seizure medication to prevent me from passing out, and eye exams to check the vision in my right eye due to the pressure the tumor was causing.

Doctor appointment upon doctor appointment upon doctor appointment.

I spent the next three years in and out of these doctors’ offices, trying to find answers and solutions, unable to work in the way I had before. I went from giving TED talks to not being able to get out of bed. From leading students on trips across the country to forgetting to turn my oven off before leaving the house. My entire life flipped upside down, and every dream that I had before felt out of reach. Every accomplishment I had achieved felt like it didn’t matter anymore. Every part of who I was felt like she had disappeared.

Who was I if I could no longer sacrifice my time, my body, and my spirit to my work? What was my purpose if I could not even cook my own food without needing a two-hour nap afterwards? Did I deserve to stay alive if I was no longer a “contributing member of society?” These were the questions I grappled with as I tried to navigate my new normal, my new body.

That season of my life showed me that before I got sick, I had unknowingly tied my entire worth and purpose to my productivity and to being who I was for everybody else, rather than for myself. It showed me that even when I could no longer meet a deadline, drive a friend to the airport, or clean my home without assistance, I was still someone worthy of being here, worthy of care, and worthy of being alive—I was still someone whose purpose mattered beyond the job titles, the promotions, the awards at work. I still had something to offer myself, my community, and my students.

I had my story to offer my students, along with the question I could ask to challenge them and the space I could hold to remind them that they deserve to care for themselves. As Tricia Hersey writes,

“You were not just born to center your entire existence on work and labor. You were born to heal, to grow, to be of service to yourself and your community, to practice, to experiment, to create, to have space, to dream, and to connect.”

And this profound insight was something I was able to remind them of after my illness.

And what a gift that is. To know that we are inherently deserving of love. That no matter what we can or cannot contribute to society, our worth is not determined by our output. We are here for a reason. We are called to lives of purpose—not because of what we produce, but simply because we are.

This lesson was important for me to learn before entering my current stage of life—the one I have always been called to: supporting Black students by standing alongside them in my advocacy for their right to education, and to be treated justly while receiving one.

women in audience
Photo by Domingos Henriques on Pexels.com

Have you encountered something in your life that brought you to this kind of realization? A lost job, divorce, a sick child, or a moment in which you lost your sense of self, not knowing if the things trying to kill you would indeed fail. Maybe that moment hasn’t yet come. When it does, I hope you remember that your purpose was never dependent on your productivity.

In the past few years, I’ve been grounded in my calling and who I am meant to be. I’ve been honoring my body and the ways it shows up—honoring the fact that something continues to try to kill me and continues to fail. All the while, I continue to create spaces for minoritized students to be together with one another and to grapple with the weight of the world, through programs, experiential learning trips, and seminars. Helping guide students to themselves so that when they leave the institution I work at, they know who they are meant to be and what they are called to.

Readers interested in reflecting further on the impact illness can have on vocation exploration and discernment will find these previous posts on Vocation Matters worth reading: “Reclaiming Vocations: Finding Purpose Amidst Loss,” by Debbie Minsky-Kelly; “Navigating Vocations with a Chronic Illness,” by Deanna A. Thompson; and “Deanna Thompson on This Vocation Now,” by Stephanie L. Johnson. Those interested in reading more about how racism can constrain vocation should check out Michelle Oyakawa, “W.E.B. DuBois’s Vocational Legacy: Inspiring Justice and Advocacy,” and “The Problem with Colorblind Mentoring,” by Hannah Schell.

Danielle Harris (she, her) is an educator, poet, and organizer, who believes in the power of storytelling within historically marginalized communities. Danielle currently serves as the associate director for racial equity in the Intercultural Community Center at Occidental College, where she supports student programming, advising, and advocacy for student communities while centering Black students on campus. Prior to Occidental, Danielle worked in gang intervention supporting those who have been impacted by our carceral system. Danielle holds an MS in college counseling and student development, as well as a BA in sociology and ethnic studies from Azusa Pacific University. When she’s not working, you can find Danielle on a plane, performing poetry on stage, scrolling endlessly on Instagram, riding her bike Alfonso, or cuddling with her pit bull Huey.

“It Changed My Life”: Centering Relationships in Communal Living

The Anne Devenney House at Fordham University provided young adults like Gina Ciliberto with transformative experiences through intentional living and community engagement. This inclusive environment fostered relationships, deepened purpose, and supported vocational exploration. Despite its closure due to financial reasons, the impact on residents’ lives and their ongoing connections highlights the value of such communities.

A series on the impact of intentional living communities on young adults as they explore and discern their vocations.

Gina Ciliberto lives in Yonkers, just blocks from the New York City borough she loves: the Bronx. In 2012, Gina graduated from Fordham University. During her sophomore and junior years, she lived at the Anne Devenney House, a university-sponsored, off-campus community that bridged the gap between students and their neighbors in the Bronx. Asked how the community impacted her, Gina simply said, “It changed my life.” 

Members of the Anne Devenney House community sharing a meal.

The Anne Devenney House began as a project of Fordham’s campus ministry. Although it didn’t require religious affiliation, all seven residents in the first year of this intentional community identified as Roman Catholic. Living together in a standalone house a few blocks from campus in a predominantly Latinx neighborhood, they committed to the three areas of the program: community service, campus outreach, and intentional community within the house. There were mandatory dinners together once a week, but they often shared meals informally.

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Moments of Annunciation: David Brooks

David Brooks discusses vocation as akin to falling in love, emphasizing emotional exploration and self-discovery. In the inaugural episode of this season of NetVUE’s podcast Callings, he shares insights on finding one’s calling by paying to attention to feelings of admiration, indignation, and enthusiasm, suggesting that deep self-awareness is essential for meaningful vocational discernment.

David Brooks

“Finding your calling,” David Brooks suggests, “is more like falling in love than it is like making a decision. It just happens to you.” One of the most recognized public intellectuals of our time, David is the featured guest in the first episode of season seven of NetVUE’s podcast Callings. In it, he reflects on the many ways he’s come to understand vocation and calling over the course of his life and career. Educators who work with undergraduate students will find much value in David’s experiences and storytelling.

For David, vocational exploration and discernment are rooted in our emotions and desires. His “main advice” to listeners, especially students, on how to live vocationally is “to fall in love with things” and to learn how to answer the question, “What do you really want?” This question might seem like a simple one to answer, yet it remains one of the most significant ones we need to ask ourselves; it can also be one of the hardest ones to answer authentically, given the self-awareness it requires. The question is important because, as David notes (drawing on the wisdom of one of his former professors), “what distinguishes people is the ruling passion of their souls.” To know a person—or a student—is not to reduce them to their GPA or their SAT scores, but to ask them, “What do you love?” In this way, “the most important quality to cultivate” in our lives is that of “being a good lover,” a quality that is central to vocational discernment. Ultimately, as David observes, the “process of discovering what you want is the process of finding your calling.”

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The Attention Gym II: Stretching to Listen

This post discusses enhancing students’ listening abilities through class discussions, emphasizing the contrast between dialogue and conversations that function more as disconnected monologues. It advocates for viewing the classroom as an “attention gym” to strengthen active listening skills, essential for vocational discernment. The text also highlights practices to promote a culture of attentive listening among students.

A series on how to help our students strengthen their abilities to pay attention to their lives, the world, and their vocations.

When I talk with students about the purposes of class discussion, I often show them the dinner scene from my favorite Sandra Bullock film, While You Were Sleeping. I ask them to describe what they observe about the quality of the conversation happening around the dinner table, and especially to note who seems to be listening. This scene helps us distinguish between dialogue, a method of building on each other’s ideas, and conversation that proceeds more like a set of disconnected monologues (however humorous).

Students often zero in on a key difference between the two. They note that in a dialogue, participants actively listen to understand each other. In the other kind of discussion, people listen for a break in the conversation to make space for their own voice.

It is easy to make the case to students that listening is hard, and as a culture, we are not very good at it. It is harder to explain how we can get better at it. Naming the classroom an attention gym—as I described in my first post in this series—provides the framework to highlight attention as a key resource in becoming a better listener. Class discussions then become the training ground for workouts in listening.

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Vocation and Pedagogy IV: Learning and Discerning in Community

Engaging students in vocational questions should begin even before explicit discussions about vocation occur. Educators can leverage specific skills taught in classes to enhance students’ vocational exploration. In collaborative learning environments, intentional structures, like role assignments, enable students to develop essential listening and interpersonal skills, fostering both academic success and vocational discernment.

Sometimes, engaging undergraduate students in questions of vocation starts before the first explicit conversation about it. As educators, we often teach them specific skills in our disciplinary contexts that can lay a strong foundation for vocational exploration later in their college experience. Taking advantage of these opportunities can strengthen our students’ academic and vocational capacities.

women in white laboratory gown standing in front of a counter
Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

Few places render confusion more conspicuous than a first‑semester general chemistry laboratory. This first (and sometimes only) lab experience makes it abundantly clear that students don’t know how to work together, regardless of their level of technical skill. The lab setting—its space, structure, and time—intensifies interactions and amplifies students’ insecurities and their interpersonal dynamics (even as the same kinds of interactions play out in small group work and projects in other classrooms). Learning is (and should be) hard, but learning alongside others adds additional variables, making it more complex and difficult. And as students continue to turn to AI for quick and easy answers, the friction of collaborative learning will become even less comfortable and productive.

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The Vocational Benefits of Group Projects

Group projects can elicit anxiety and resistance among students due to the necessary reliance on peers. Despite the challenges, collaboration aids personal and vocational growth, fostering essential skills for future workplaces. These projects enhance connections, aid self-discovery, and help combat loneliness, ultimately enriching students’ educational experiences and understanding of teamwork’s value in their careers.

Whenever I announce a group project, it often evokes looks of uncertainty or concern on my students’ faces. They know that such work will force themselves and their team members to rely on each other as they work toward a common goal. Differences in perspective, work ethic, and schedules will also undoubtedly emerge.

angry girl sitting at desk in classroom
Photo by Михаил Крамор on Pexels.com

But while life would certainly be simpler if we worked alone, it wouldn’t be nearly as rich. We need other people; we need community.

Our vocational pursuits could be described as ongoing group projects. We’re typically more productive when we work with others, and in academic settings, collaborative projects can enrich students vocationally through self-discovery and connections with others. When students work with their peers and receive feedback about their contributions, they discover strengths and interests they may not have known they had.

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The “Indispensable Justice” of Vocation: Remembering Wendell Berry

Wendell Berry, who died at 92, was a profound thinker advocating for a redefined understanding of work, economy, and personal calling. His insights emphasize the importance of affection and meaningful engagement with community, arguing that true fulfillment comes from vocation rather than societal definitions of success. His legacy urges individuals to live with purpose and care.

When Wendell Berry died at the age of 92 on August 31, The New York Times headline called him a “Writer Who Extolled America’s Agrarian Past,” which doesn’t exactly scream relevance for those of us helping young people discern their present and future vocations. A better headline might have mentioned that Berry was a thinker who urged us to reimagine conventional ideas of work, economy, and success, and to remember the role of affection in discerning and living out our human callings.

Wendell Berry stands before the solar panels on his farm in Henry County, Kentucky. Photo by Guy Mendes, 2011.
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Season Six Highlights of Callings Podcast Is Now Available

NetVUE’s podcast Callings released a bonus episode focusing on vocational advice for undergraduate students. Hosts Erin VanLaningham and John Barton curated insights from various guests, emphasizing listening, perseverance, and the virtues. This resource aims to enhance educators’ interactions with students, fostering deeper reflections on vocation and meaningful life choices.

At the beginning of every academic year, NetVUE’s podcast Callings releases a bonus episode that highlights key conversations from the previous season. This year, Callings’ hosts Erin VanLaningham and John Barton have selected a number of excerpts that serve as advice for undergraduate students, featuring insights from literature professors, psychologists, theologians, and leaders in higher education renewal—all of whom care deeply about the shared work of supporting the collective work of vocational exploration. These guests share professional advice and personal stories as they emphasize the nuance and complexity of what it means to live a good life, encouraging listeners to ask good questions, to be curious, and to listen to self and others.

Some of the guests featured in this episode of Callings. Top row (from left to right): Michael Lamb, Willie James Jennings, and Barbara Brown Taylor; bottom row (from left to right): Angela Duckworth, Lee C. Camp, and Almeda M. Wright.
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Hope, Resonance, and Work that Matters: Reflecting on Love’s Braided Dance

This post offers three reflections on this year’s selection for NetVUE’s Big Read program, Norman Wirzba’s Love’s Braided Dance: Hope in a Time of Crisis. Each writer provides their own response and reflection on the issues they found most significant with the intent to spark further discussion across the network.

A series of reflections on Norman Wirzba’s Love’s Braided Dance: Hope in a Time of Crisis and NetVUE’s 2026–2027 Big Read program.

In the first chapter of Love’s Braided Dance: Hope in a Time of Crisis, Norman Wirzba observes that to harness the powerful joy of authentic embodiment for our shared work, “people need the support of a loving community that affirms and encourages them.” One of the purposes of NetVUE’s Big Read program is to foster this kind of support at its member institutions and to do so by reading a book like Love’s Braided Dance together in community. Such communal meaning-making has the potential not only to help us all deepen our practices of vocational exploration, but also to affirm and encourage us in the process.

Book cover for 'Love's Braided Dance: Hope in a Time of Crisis' by Norman Wirzba, featuring artistic lettering and braided wheat illustrations.

To that end, Vocation Matters has invited three colleagues—Tara Russey, Craig Mattson, and Anna Stewart—from across the network to reflect on this year’s Big Read. In their reflections, they share powerful glimpses into what moved them and striking insights into what they found significant. In this way, they illustrate another key point from Wirzba’s opening chapter: “The most important thing” to do, he writes, “is to act on the conviction that your community needs you and is calling you to contribute in some way.”

As you reflect on their contributions, please consider them as points of departure as you and colleagues explore what significance this book might have at your institution. I think you’ll agree that we all need, and will be enriched by, the loving, resonate insights that each writer offers us.

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Assessing Community-Engaged Learning to Deepen Vocational Reflection

The final post in this series discusses the impact of community-engaged learning on students’ vocational exploration. It emphasizes the importance of reflective practice in fostering deeper learning. By revising assessment strategies and prompts, the authors enhanced students’ understanding of teamwork and intercultural competency, leading to meaningful civic engagement and a greater sense of personal responsibility within their communities.

The final post in a series on the role that community-engaged learning can play in vocational exploration and discernment.

As educators, we want to know that our efforts impact our students, but assessment is difficult, especially when we seek to measure learning about vocation. It requires that we—alongside our students—engage in “continuous, connected, challenging and contextual” reflective practice, as recommended by one practitioner’s guide. Our last post illustrated how teamwork can be a kind of vocational praxis, offering students the opportunity to discover common ground in community with others. In our final post, we describe the outcomes of Heather and her colleague Erin Olsen-Telles’s learning, paying particular attention to the impact of embedding reflection in community-engaged learning on students’ vocational discoveries. By redesigning assessment strategies, we came to understand that reflection grounded in community contexts empowers students to engage in the deeper learning that opens the door to vocational discernment.

serious african american male with planner on city riverbank
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com
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