In my first job after graduate school as a visiting professor, I did not advise students officially, but happily mentored many of them. Because I was both out as a queer person—genderqueer lesbian at the time—and open about my own struggles as a first-generation college student, students often shared with me their own identities, questions, challenges, and longings. One day over lunch at a language-immersion table, a student told me that she was having a really hard time. She had long known that she was queer and recently had experienced her first relationship with a woman. Their time together was short-lived—the partner had graduated early and moved away—and the student didn’t feel like it was a serious relationship. She judged herself for the intensity of her feelings about it and its end. I listened, thanked her for sharing with me, and reminded her that relationships don’t need to be serious to be important.
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